I removed the facemask

 The facemask, I wore it in public. I wore it because of others, yes, the facemask. That Sunday morning, I entered the church, my favorite attire put on; white shirt, a grey trouser, well-ironed, completing the official look with black glittering shoes due to the effect of shoe polish. I booked the front seat, a few steps from the anointing. 

When the worship song came in my hands were lifted high as I sang along..." Your presence is heaven to me....". Wow! It felt good to worship in His presence. I prayed and was ready to surrender all, withholding nothing. My mask was on. I enjoyed the sermon, it was very powerful. As a serious Christian, I noted down some points and the verses. When the speaker mentioned some verses, I knew exactly what those verses said before being read. I recited them ensuring my neighbour could hear. I appreciated myself, at least my scripture mastery was not so bad. 

Finally, the service ended and I was back to my room. I was exhausted and felt prosaic. I grabbed my phone and there I was on WhatsApp. I did not find anything interesting and so I went to the search engine and my usual site popped up. Those ladies in nudes seemed to me the epitome of beauty. "I won't look for long, I convinced myself." For some time, I kept staring at the pictures and looking for more. "No one will know, I am alone here." Those 'feel good' hormones were unleashed, I could sense that nice feeling from a distance. I needed to increase the dose for the 'nice feeling' to reach fever pitch. I clicked a brief porn video and there I was. Before you could blink twice, I was already indulging in masturbation to ease the pressing desire. 

"How long will I lead such a life?" Wearing a facemask in public and pretending 'I am well in the Lord'. On Sundays, I even lead in praise and worship and went back to the real struggle moments after the occasion. It seems, the enemy waited for me to climb down the pulpit, get to my room, then there he appears. Just like Jesus, He waited till He had finished the forty days and forty nights fast, it is when he appeared,  Knowing Jesus was obviously hungry, he tempts Him with food, what an evil strategy!

 "I am free in Christ, whoever the Son sets free is free indeed." Yes, I remembered the many times I had confessed these statements in public but was it a personal reality? "Something has to be done. I can't stay chained in masturbation and pornography while shouting 'I am free' all over." I decided to remove the facemask and face the reality. I realized that he who conceals his sins does not prosper but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. I could hide my face from the public but I could not hide it from God. I needed help, I sought it and found it. He forgave my past and gave me the grace to say no to any form of ungodliness and worldly passions and to live a self-controlled, upright life in this present age.

 Today, I am no longer a slave to sin, I am completely free in Christ. He gave me a helper, the promised Holy Spirit to help me in my weakness. He has set me free to serve Him and not to use the freedom to indulge in sin. Up to this day, I serve Him and live for Him, it's such a great joy. It all started by removing the facemask and being real with reality. You too, can.

I loved him

 Yeah, I loved him. Do I need to explain how we fell in love? Let me spare that for another day, I hope that's okay. He was so good to me, a handsome, young, and enthusiastic guy. At first, it felt like my heart couldn't beat without him. I acted the way I felt. I was seized back and forth helplessly by my feelings. I blindly followed all that he said. The desire to keep him and the fear to lose him kept weighing on a balance in my heart and were almost at a constant equilibrium. 

I defied my motherly mother just to please him. My own mum, who taught me how to eat, talk, and walk, I willingly disobeyed her in the name of love. I lied to my father, not once, not twice just because I thought I loved him. "Will he ever leave me?" Such a wild thought once crossed my mind but I dismissed it and send it away faster than it came. Ignorant of the reality, we lived a lie, we lived like the characters in the movies. 

It didn't take long before I came face to face with reality. Things changed unexpectedly, I can't explain how. At first, I meant the whole world to him, soon, I meant to him a small village without water and electricity...how? 

The relationship I had struggled to keep was quickly fading away and any effort to save it could only expedite its death. Did I deserve all these? This was too heavy for me to handle and even grew heavier with every recurring thought about him. "Am I so worse that I can't be loved? Am I not beautiful?" I thought of many things, I hated myself. "Is it naivety or ignorance that drew me to this direction?" I was lost in the woods wondering which path to take, was I even willing to take any path available? 

Desperate, stressed, alone, and lonely, I heard about Him. They said His love is unconditional, it knows not any boundaries. He loves and accepts even the worst, leave alone the best. They said He loved me before I knew Him and He sacrificed His own son for my sake. His love does not end and He is true and sure to keep all His promises. I heard that He remains true even if every man decides to lie.

What are you talking about? It is the love of God, the precious, special, rare love; love that is beyond all knowledge. They said His arms are wide open to accept anyone who would care to come to Him however burdened he/she is. Oh my! This was too sweet to deny.

I accepted Him and invited Him into my life. Since then, I don't regret why I chose Him for He has proved faithful. Jesus, savior, friend, I have tasted of Him and I have seen that He is good, everyone who trusts in Him is blessed. I don't fear being left for He has promised to be with me to the end of ages.

Many people all over the world have believed in Him, they can tell you how fulfilling it is. The reality is that every human being needs Him though some deny this reality. God loves us not because of anything we have done, I think He loves us just because of love. This is the reality in Christ and I just decided to be real with this reality.